Hello stranger! I have returned from my blogging hiatus with a list of excuses that are
shamefully pointless very valid and give me no good reason to have been absent from this little corner of the internet for 6 months. But that is neither here nor there, so I’m going to pick right back up as if I’ve been there the whole time. To kick off the week, I am going to bring back my weekly Monday Musings. I was just out of town all weekend so I’m army crawling my way through today just hoping to come out the other side.
It’s 21 Days of Beauty at Ulta, and it’s taking all my God-given strength to not march down to my local store and buy all the primers, eye shadows and setting powders that my money can buy. Which actually isn’t very much since I have a student as a husband. Alas, I will probably watch this sale go by as I walk through the store, pick up a few coveted items and then return them to the shelves right before I throw caution to the wind and pay $47 for vitamin C oil.
It’s for the best, really.
I’m pretty jazzed about the fact that I got a gym membership a few weeks ago – which is helping me actually be healthy in 2019 instead of all the past years where I just had the dream of being healthy. I joined Planet Fitness this month, because I can’t pass up paying $10 for month access to a StairMaster. Those things are my jam. However, I have affectionately coined the gym Planet Fatness because what kind of gym serves PIZZA on a monthly basis and tootsie rolls on a daily basis?! Despite the fact that pizza is my favorite food, I don’t want to partake when I’m at the gym, so DON’T TEMPT ME WITH A PLATE FULL OF MELTED CHEESE ON TOP OF A DELICIOUS CRUST, DEBORAH.
It’s too much.
On a more serious note and in a desperate attempt to have more authenticity on the internet, I will be occasionally be dropping a piece of real-ness into my blogs. And I’m not talking about the easy authenticity that comes from sharing something that you know is “safe” because you feel like most everyone can relate. I’m talking authenticity that makes me uncomfortable to share in fear of your judgement – but it’s worth sharing because maybe one of you needs to hear it so that you can be reminded that you’re not alone. That there is someone who can say, “Me too!” So, here goes.
I say this with his permission, and with the caveat that I am SO PROUD of how hard he is working to take care of us. BUT. Being married to a student can be really hard. Being a “Gatlin, party of one” to social gatherings can be tough. Being alone almost every evening can be lonely (thank goodness for my doggo – she helps a lot). Occasionally only seeing Michael for a cumulative hour per-day can be trying. And sometimes, looking on the bright side is about our situation is annoying. Now, Michael and I both work hard to keep each other a priority and have time set aside each week that is only for us, but sometimes studying for a physics test takes priority over spending time with me. And that just has to be okay. Even though sometimes – most of the time – that doesn’t seem fair. My marriage is far from perfect and, even though we are still called newlyweds by some, happily ever after isn’t always our reality. My plea to you is, if you find yourself in a place of my-marriage-isn’t-where-I-want-it-to-be, find a friend and TELL THEM. Take off your mask (as scary as that can be) and share the hard stuff. I’ve done this and have been met with a surprising amount of “You feel that way too?! Oh thank goodness.” Sometimes all it takes is a brave moment of authenticity.
On that note, I’m off to finish Monday strong – which probably means not strong at all because “attack the day” for Monday means suck down caffeine and embracing an early bedtime.