How (Not) To Shop At Target

Step 1: Only go into Target if you have a list. Never go in alone to just wander around. This is a dangerous space to enter without an end goal.

Step 2: Verbally say your list as you walk inside so that you remind yourself not to get distracted. “Shampoo and garbage bags. Shampoo and garbage bags…” You are on a mission.

Step 3: Immediately get side tracked with the cute back-to-school supplies in the dollar section. You’re not even going back to school but that pencil set is precious, so you need it.

Step 4: Put the pencil set back (because you have SELF CONTROL, Rebecca) and start verbally saying your list again. “Shampoo and garbage bags…”

Step 5: Walk (quickly!) straight past the bathing suits and sundresses without looking so that you don’t get distracted.

Step 6: Against all better judgement, glance back and see a red sign that reads: “20% off all summer clothes” and immediately turn around because SALE. Throw a romper, bathing suit top and American flag shorts in your cart and tell yourself that you’re saving so much money on your wardrobe for next summer. You should really be thanking yourself.

Step 7: Try on the clothes and curse the florescent lighting for showing off all the weight you’ve ever gained in your life. Immediately go and add some workout leggings and a new sports bra to your cart because you don’t ever want to feel like that in a dressing room again. Imagine all the workouts that your future holds thanks to your new sporty attire. You’re about to be so fit.

Step 8: Remember why you even came to Target to begin with and grab that shampoo before you can get distracted with anything else. Might as well throw in some dry shampoo while you’re at it. Oh, and some fall colored nail polish because October is just around the corner.

Step 9: Start heading to get the garbage bags. But wait. Look at all those vitamins! Since you’re all about being healthy (thanks, new leggings) you should probably start taking a B-12 vitamin. Who cares if you don’t know what that even means? You remember reading a Buzzfeed article on vitamins and you’re 85% certain that B-12 was on the list.

Step 10: Candles on clearance? Yes please. Take two for good measure. You’re house is going to smell so good.

Step 11: Stop and look at Hearth and Home. How does Joanna Gaines manage to make salt and pepper shakers look so cute? Resist. Resist. Resist.

Step 12: Remember that the nail polish color you picked out it really similar to one you already have at home, so head over and put it back. Feel a little pride because you just saved yourself $9.

Step 13: Get outta there because your basket is getting too heavy and you’ve already got more items than you planned for. Thank goodness you had to wait in line though, because you remembered that you need a fresh pack of gum, you finished your last piece just yesterday.

Step 14: Try not to listen when the cashier says your final total. Distract yourself by looking at the Target café and remember that they have the best slushies. You’re about to start being really healthy so why not have one last treat?

Step 15: Walk out of the store with your slushie and new romper feeling accomplished. You did it! You managed to get out with only a few items that were’t on the list. THE LIST. You forgot the trash bags.

Step 16: Oh well. You’ll just come back tomorrow.

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