Y’all, I have a confession.
None of the lamps in my house match each other.
And no, I’m not talking about having mismatched lamp shades. I’m talking different sizes, shapes and colors. To be honest, having different lamps isn’t a big deal to me. Since Michael is about to go back to school our newlywed budget has never made room for new lamps. However, we had our anniversary pictures last week, and we were going to be taking some photos inside of our apartment. The afternoon of our photo shoot I was cleaning our bedroom and I took note that the lamps on our bed stands don’t match. They haven’t matched ever since we moved in two years ago, but part of me wanted to switch them out for lamps that coordinated with each other. But let’s be honest – that’s not what our life looks like.
I say all of this to make a point – inside of my dirty, vain and prideful heart I wanted our life to look put together and picture perfect. I wanted it all – including the lamps – to coordinate and match for of the photos that will be posted on social media. And no, there’s nothing wrong with having a nice home or posting a posed picture on instagram, but there is something that tugs on my heart when I want to crop and filter my life to look better than it is.
I think I do that more often than not. Is that just me?
Am I the only one who doesn’t post on social media when my sink is full of dirty dishes and Michael and I ate fast food for dinner? Not to say that you should post all your dirty laundry (figuratively and literally) on the internet, but maybe we need to do a better job of showing what our real lives look like. The real, unfiltered and uncut version of us.
Maybe you already do that. In which case, I applaud you! I need to follow your example.
My ultimate goal in life – especially on this blog – is to create an environment where someone can hear my story or look at my life and say, “Me too! I’m glad I’m not the only one.” Because is there nothing better than to feel like someone can relate to you. To feel like someone GETS IT.
So, I am going to share a few things that I wouldn’t normally post on the internet because if I really want to help create a life and culture of transparency, I need to start with myself. Please note that I’m not always going to do this perfectly, and I will still filter my photos on instagram (the Slumber option is my JAM). But I want you to know the behind-the-scenes shots of my life because ain’t nobody got time to think my social media highlight reel is what my day-to-day always looks like.
I haven’t worked out in three weeks.
I don’t ever make my bed.
Michael and I only vacuum when we have guests over.
Sometimes I have popcorn and wine for dinner.
I compare my marriage to what other couples post on social media.
Some weeks we spend more money eating out than buying groceries.
I celebrate weight loss with eating ice cream.
Michael and I share a car.
I leave my shoes all over the house and almost never put them away. Michael graciously doesn’t mention this and put them in the closet for me.
I often leave the clothes in the washer for too long and have to re-wash them because they have been in there too long.
I eat my feelings when I’m sad.
I drink an occasional Red Bull when I’m tired on a road trip. Even though I verbally judged Michael when he did it for the first time.
I am the worst version of myself when you cut me off in traffic.
Sometimes I get mad at Michael when he doesn’t meet my unrealistic expectations.
I don’t want to post this in fear of your silent judgement.
Oh, and my lamps will never match.