Sleep Talking.

So, before I got married I was warned by Michael that he talks in his sleep (which apparently he has been doing this since he was little). I brushed it off because how bad could it be, right?


Night two of our marriage I witnessed him frantically talking about, “The little white candles! Please go get them. The bride needs them right now!” Which makes two points. 1) Wedding brain was still going strong and 2) I was in for a lifetime of one-sided chats at 2:00am. So, I figured I’d share a few of the pure GEMS that have been said during the past two years. Before I do this I need to say a few disclaimers:

1. I asked him before I posted this.

2. I happen to think this is all hilarious, so I share it with you out of love and not bitterness.

3. These are not edited for dramatics. These are the actual quotes – as best that I can remember them – word for word.

4. Michael often leaves me hanging in the middle of these conversations because his subconscious decides it’s time to stop talking.

In no particular order, here are the ramblings of 3:00am Michael Gatlin (and 3:00am Rebecca Gatlin who always tries to keep up the conversation):

M: *frantically starts patting the bed* I need hot dogs!
R: Why do you need hot dogs?
M: *still patting the bed* I just need one pack. One pack of hot dogs. Please, just one pack?

M: I don’t get it…
R: Don’t get what?
M: Olive oil.
R: What??
M: You know, olive oil with the needles and the ocean?
R: What are you talking about?
M: *silence*

M: Was that an escalator?
R: No?
M: What was it?
R: I don’t know.
M: But I thought I saw one?

M: Tiny rectangles….python…

M: The quadratic equation is just so long…

M: *sits up straight* I gotta go. I need to put on my tennis shoes.
R: Why?
M: The walls are crashing down!
R: No, its not?
M: Are you sure?
R: Yes, I’m sure.
M: Okay…*lays down and falls asleep immediately*

R: *laying in bed and makes a comment about how Michael is such a WARM human being*
M: It’s because I was considering the ABC’s…
R: What?!
M: You know, the ABC’s? *sings* A, B, C, D, S, O, L *falls asleep*

M: *grabs my hand* Rebecca, I am pregnant.
R: Oh you ARE?
M: Yes. I. Am. Pregnant.

M: Don’t let them fool you…
R: Who?
M: Ummmm
R: Who?
M: I don’t know?

Y’all. Living with this man makes me laugh, especially when he says nonsense in the middle of the night. I hope you enjoyed this small glimpse into my life, which is never boring.
I’ll see you on Friday where I’m going to talk about healthy lifestyle/balance!

3 thoughts on “Sleep Talking.

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